i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
