I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
