did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
