im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize