you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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