Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
