Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
