youre lurking in front of me
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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