omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
