do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
