I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
