Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
