his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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