I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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