its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
