On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
