why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
