You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
