i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
