I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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