Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
