I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
