Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
