Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize