i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
