do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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