I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You ate ashes out of my bong
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
