Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
