nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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