So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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