How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
