if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
