Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
