Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Someone signed my nipple.
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