He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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