Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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