he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
