I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize