I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
