Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
