while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
