She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize