So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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