shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
