dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize