Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
