THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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