those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
