So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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