Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
