Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i dont even know how to be here
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
