Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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