What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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