It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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