You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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