He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
