Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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