I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
