dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
