It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize