felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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