dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
