How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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