My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sorry about my life...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
