I hate your face
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
