Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
